CAULK THE WAGONS AND TRADE FOR BULLETS, THE MUSKETMEN ARE HUNTING BUFFALO

Ahhh, childhood memories.

Ahhh, childhood memories.

WHAT WE KNOW

Massfacts: Coming off a home loss to instate rival Boston College, UMass is feeling the pain of reality following their bus-and-train-plastering campaign to drum up support for YOUR STATE, YOUR TEAM.

You could say it worked, as about thirtysomeodd thousand people showed up. But the team did not perform as well as we had hoped. Bright spots? Things to watch this coming Saturday? Yes, these things exist.

  • “Freshman running back JT Blyden” impressed last weekend, running for 43 yards on nine carries. For anyone to do well against that opposing line was nice to see, since it was clear from the get-go that UMass was just not big enough in the trenches.
  • Tajae Sharpe is fast. And it turns out he can drag a man to the end zone, if necessary.
  • The defense was strong for a quarter, but as we said earlier this week, they weren’t particularly staunch.
  • Dan Maynes should be expected to return to action tomorrow at the nose, hopefully providing the bulk and power to help shore up the porous run defense.

It pretty much all comes back to What Whip Said following the game against BC: “We are not ready to play in the ACC is what I really found out.” Bad news coach: the Pac-12 is better.

Buffffffffacts: Coming off a home loss to instate rival Colorado State, a team who had a coach the mayor of Denver didn’t even know the name of. Seriously.

Clearly, Colorado is not going to be in the highest of spirits coming into this game.

After jumping up to an early lead, Colorado was able to keep Colorado State at arms length with a 10 point lead through much of the 3rd quarter. At this point, the Rams started scoring and never stopped, as the home team fell 31-17.

On offense the Buffaloes, oh for fucks sake another running quarterback? Jesus Christ on the cross why the fuck can we not get away from this. 7 rushes for 47 yards in a losing effort just screams of “I’m going to run on the UMass defense” so that should be fun. Throw in a 24/39, 241 yards, 2 TDs and 0 INTs and GOOD. GREAT. GRAND. WONDERFUL.  The rest of their rushing game seems pretty anemic, so keying on the QB and passing game is going to be crucial. The top receiving threat is Nelson Spruce who did most of the damage, with 7 hauls for 104 yards and both TDs, including a 54 yard bomb halfway through the 1st. On the plus side, they were absolutely terrible on 3rd down conversions and committed a chunk of penalties.

On defense, well let’s just saying giving up 31 total and 25 unanswered points to an instate rival of a lesser conference at home is not going to earn you a ringing endorsement. Worse than that, they gave up 266 rushing yards allowing 2 backs to cross triple digits. Special teams with nothing special either as their kick return game was not good, and the place kicker went 1 for 2 with a long of 23! yards.

Timefacts: UMass hasn’t even played a team FROM Colorado in their history, nevermind the 1990 National Champions Who Lost To Illinois And Needed Five Downs To Beat Mizzou. That’s right. First meeting ever. Chance to add another team to the “never lost to these dicks” list.


WHERE TO ENJOY

TV: ESPN3
Radio: WEEI (105.5 FM in Springfield/Western Massachusetts), WMUA (99.1 FM in Amherst and  WVEI (1440 AM in Worcester/Central Massachusetts), WXKS (1200 AM Boston), and WATD (95.9 FM on the South Shore).
Legal Streams: Video, Audio, Delayed Animated Dots
Pirates: FirstRow
Four Volleys: Gillette Stadium. P1. As early as you’re generally allowed to be there. Drankin’.


MASCOT FIGHT

Terrifying.

Terrifying.

This is a close one. Just kidding, if Oregon Trail has taught us anything (and really, it’s taught us EVERYTHING), Sam would drop this buffalo for the cost of 1 bullet and a yield of 300 pounds of meat (you can carry 47).

Also, you have died of dysentery.

DRINKING GAME

1 SIP
Missed FG by either team (this will happen)
Someone asks you if Kordell Stewart is still in the NFL
You see Colorado gear. Give them a nod. It’s a benign fandom.

2 SIPS
Missed PAT by either team (this could happen)
Someone asks you if Rashaan Salaam is still alive
UMass forces a turnover. Extra sip if it’s Randall Jette. High five if it’s Joe Colton.

LONG PULL
Frohnapception
UMass covers (!)

SHOT
Blake Lucas. Just anything to do with him. Positive. Negative. You think you might have seen him on the side lines. Anything at all.

HALF THE BOTTLE
UMass down by more than two scores at the half

DRINK ALL OF THE CHAMPALE
UMass Wins


FIND FOUR VOLLEYS

BTkXT8XCIAABJwY

UNDER THE FLAG! We’ll be under the flag again for what will surely have a smaller crowd. On the plus side, there won’t be any BC fans there and that’s always a good thing. We’ll be business as usual, stop on by as always.

negrodamus

NEGRODAMUS
Spread: Colorado -17…..Moneyline: Mass +600…..O/U 49.5

I mean. Who the hell knows. That spread is so fair we don’t know how to react.

If you’re betting on UMass straight up I feel bad for your children’s college funds.

If you’re such a degenerate you need to put money on this one, hope that both teams try to establish a ground game and hammer the under. And also talk to me because I can give you a great line on the local high school games.

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